Old Spice: Long Time Rep turns Sponsor

While there is no doubt that Old Spice has long since been the official, spray on, masculinity product it isn't until this afternoon that I learn just how far the Ol' Spice has come.

They are now sponsoring puberty, not just manhood. And they are doing it by way of the "Always Changing: A Boy's Guide" which Jordan just so happened to receive during his human growth and development class today.

Puberty: Brought to you by Old Spice.


Are you kidding me?! It is printed on EVERY page. And if that wasn't enough . . . it reads like an infomercial.

"To stay looking and feeling your best, take a bath or a shower at least once a day. Any time you get sweaty, you should bathe more often. For 8-hour odor protection, us Old Spice Red Zone Body Wash. Then grab some clean clothes (body odor stays on clothes) and apply Old Spice Red Zone Deodorant to help keep body odor away. If you are concerned about underarm wetness, try a Deodorant/Anti-perspirant like Old Spice Red Zone High Performance Solid that fights not only odor but wetness too."

I did not make that up. Straight outta the book, featured prominently on page 15 alongside a near-infant who presumably is now struggling with body odor.

This consumer driven curriculum is only more surprising when the Old Spice pamphlet is taken in conjunction with the other materials that Jordan received today. "Growing Up and Liking It: Greg's Story", the groundbreaking work first introduced in 1972 and last updated in, oh um, 1992. Only today, they are copies of a copy of a copy quality photo copied, crooked stapled booklets. Little hard to read. But really, what does it matter? We've got the Old Spice version, after all. Why invest in quality educational materials when we've got the very real opportunity to boost sales and increase local families toiletry bill by 25% (have you SEEN the way an 11 yr old applies products - all or nothing, baby. I either will not wash myself or I will use the whole damn bottle of body wash in a single shower.)

Is anyone else at all surprised by this?

Now don't get me wrong - the physiological changes that adolescents encounter have not changed all that drastically in the last 30 years. But hasn't the way that we talk to our children? Hasn't the way that we talk in general?! You should see the vernacular used in this here handy dandy booklet. Not to mention the fashion sense demonstrated in the photos. Wait. Nevermind. The copies are so blurred and blackened you can hardly see that striped sweater vest being worn by one very popular, very responsible young man.

Thanks, Old Spice. The scent of men (and now boys) for 73 proud years.

I couldn't not do a little bit of research before (okay, midway through) ranting about Old Spice and I cannot do justice to the marketing materials I just found. You'll have to go look at them yourselves. Oh man.

Rant complete.


But SERIOUSLY?!!